sleep

I've slept alone most of my life
it's not a bad thing or a sad things
it's mostly peaceful
in the quiet contentment of loneliness
when I was a small boy
I would turn on the central heater
and the constant low pitch rumble
would always soothe me and make me drowsy
of course, I couldn't wait to sleep with women
but mostly for the companionship
to be held closely and whispered to
but loneliness became my close lover
my covers were always there in my arms
my head and thoughts rested on a pillow
and it was the bed itself
that was support for me
girlfriends were frustrating
they stole the covers, slept in the middle
squeezing me to the far side
and I'd wake up with a bed rail in my face
being married was no better
even though we had a king-size bed
she didn't even want my feet touching hers
so, I found myself grabbing my own quilt
and wrapping myself up independently
for protection
wishing to be left by myself
I have now slept alone for years, being single
and have always had this fantasy
that someone who cared about me
and whom I was in love with
would knock on the door in the middle of the night,
quietly come in and crawl in bed with me

the other night, at 2 AM
there was a knock on the French door
it startled me, and as it was dark
I thought it was my imagination
and just stared at the door wondering what it was
it was her
I got up with a startled look on my face
and all I could say was: "what are you doing here"?
she came in, not saying much
and held me tight
after having me undress her in the dark
she told me that she loved me
later, after having made Love
I started crying
and was quite embarrassed
but I could ever adequately explain to her
what this meant to me